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★☆★ Xforum | Ultimate Story Contest 2025 ~ Reviews Thread ★☆★

Lucifer

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Unfortunately We are facing a server issue which limits most users from posting long posts which is very necessary for USC entries as all of them are above 5-7K words ,we are fixing this issue as I post this but it'll take few days so keeping this in mind the last date of entry thread is increased once again,Entry thread will be closed on 7th May 11:59 PM. And you can still post reviews for best reader's award till 13th May 11:59 PM. Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

You can PM your story to any mod and they'll post it for you.

Note to writers :- Don't try to post long updates instead post it in 2 Or more posts. Thanks. Regards :- Luci
 
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Black

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Story ; AAP KITNE ACHCCHE HAIN PAPA
Written by ; Black
Story line ;
Drama​

Story arjun naam ke ek aadmi ki hai,jiski wife ki delivery ke time death ho jati hai, aur arjun apne navjaat bacche ko palne ke liye wo sab karta hai jo ek pita karta.

Positive points

  • Story me ek pita ke pyaar ko acche se dikhaya hai.
  • Samaj ki soch ko bhi dikhaya gaya hai.
  • Story me ye bhi dikhaya gaya hai ki sirf khoon ka rista hi mayne nahi rakhta, balki pyaar se nibhaye gaye riste bhi gahre ho sakte hain.

Nigative points

  • Story me bhikharan se dhudh pilana unrealistic lagta hai( jab ki delivery ke time agar maa ki death hoti hai toh doctor family se consult karta hain)
  • Aman ka character thoda unrealistic aur dramatic lagta hai, kyonki jitne saal se wo sab sath the utne time me toh kisi ko bhi lagao ho jata hai ek dusre se.
  • Arjun ne jo kadam itne saalon baad uthaya sayad wo kadam bahut pahle uthaya ja sakta tha.

Mistakes

Story me 1-2 galtiyan hai. Aman ka character thoda aur ubhara ja sakta tha. Sudha aur Arjun ke rishte ko aur highlight kiya ja sakta tha. Last wala scene thoda filmy lagta hai ankit ke liye, jabki wo unmarried ho.

Story acche se aur safai se likhi gai hai,jo padhne me accha feel aur connection deti hai.

Rating ; 7/10
Thanks for your review :dost:
Galti ho sakti hai main bas ek emotional story likhna chahta tha
Aur achche se likha ja sakta tha yeh main jaanta hu
But Mera man nahi tha aur likhne ka :sigh2:
 
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Mrxr

ᴇʏᴇꜱ ʀᴇᴠᴇᴀʟ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ
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Thanks for your review
Galti ho sakti hai main bas ek emotional story likhna chahta tha
Aur achche se likha ja sakta tha yeh main jaanta hu
But Mera man nahi tha aur likhne ka
Thanks🌹
Story fir bhi acchi likhi hai.... Aur main nahi janta review kaisa hai par jaisa bhi laga mujhe maine likh diya...
 
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Scodash Psychopath

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"Raftaar Jaanlewa Hai" by Scodash Psychopath

Ek chhoti par gehri aur rahasyamay kahani hai jo zindagi, maut aur raftaar ke khataron ko ek alag hi nazariye se dikhati hai. Highway 27 par ek biker's accident aur uski mulaqaat ek mysterious ladki se kahani ko ek alag hi level par le jati hai.

Acchi Baatein:

▪︎ Kahani ka mahaul bahut shandaar hai. Raat ka highway, tez hawa aur baajre ke khet ka varnan padhte waqt ek thandak si mehsoos hoti hai.

▪︎ Titli wala scene chhota par bahut prabhavshali hai jo zindagi aur maut ke bare mein sochne par majboor karta hai.

▪︎ Ladki ka character jo shayad maut ka roop hai kahani mein ek rahasyamay aur emotional touch deta hai. Uska muskurana aur baatein dil ko chhooti hain.

▪︎ "Raftaar Jaanlewa Hai" ka message sidha aur gehra hai jo zindagi mein sambhal kar chalne ki seekh deta hai.

▪︎ Ant ka twist jab "Aur Tum Bhi" wala board dikhta hai kahani ko ek dardnak aur yaadgar mod deta hai.

Thodi Kami:

▪︎ Kahani thodi jaldi khatam ho jati hai. Ladki ke background ya accident ke bare mein thodi aur detail maza badha sakta tha.

▪︎ Protagonist ke dukh ya bhaagne ki wajah thodi aur saaf ho sakti thi taaki uske emotions se aur gehra connection bane.


Overall: Yeh kahani ek chhoti si tasveer ki tarah hai jo zindagi, maut aur raftaar ke khataron ko dil se dikhati hai. Rahasy, darr aur ek gehra sandesh isse ek yaadgar kahani banata hai.
Thanks :thanks:
 
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Scodash Psychopath

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"Cubicle: A Sky Within" by Scodash Psychopath

Dil ko chhune wali aur prernadayak kahani hai jo zindagi ke asli sapnon aur dil ki awaaz sunne ki baat karti hai. Ek aam middle class ladke ke corporate zindagi ke sangharsh aur apne sapnon ke liye himmat jutaane ka safar is kahani ko khaas banata hai.

Acchi Baatein:

▪︎ Kahani ka vyaktigat aur emotional lehza dil tak jata hai har middle class ladke ke sapne, majboori aur corporate duniya ke sangharsh ko yeh sachchai se dikhata hai.

▪︎ Aarohi ke saath chhote chhote pal jaise coffee machine wala scene aur terrace pe baatein kahani mein ek sundar romantic touch dete hain.

▪︎ Office politics, chamchagiri aur manager ke injustice ka varnan bahut real hai jo corporate zindagi ke sach ko ujaagar karta hai.

▪︎ Ant mein protagonist ka job chhodkar apne gaming aur sapnon ki taraf badhne ka faisla prernadayak hai aur ek bada sandesh deta hai dil ki suno.

▪︎ "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" wala sawaal aur uska jawab kahani ko gehraai deta hai jo padhne wale ko sochne par majboor karta hai.

Thodi Kami:

▪︎ Aarohi ka character thoda aur gehra ho sakta tha. Uska promotion aur chhodkar jana thoda jaldi khatam ho jata hai.

▪︎ Kahani ke shuruaati hisse mein thodi dheemapan hai jo thodi aur tezi se shuru ho sakta tha.


Overall: Yeh kahani ek cubicle ki chhoti si duniya se nikal kar sapnon ke aasmaan tak le jati hai. Corporate zindagi ke dard, pyar ki chhoti si kahani aur apne dil ki awaaz sunne ka safar isse dilchasp aur prernadayak banata hai.
:thanx:
 

Scodash Psychopath

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Story review: Cubicle : A Sky Within
Author: Scodash Psychopath



CASW-AYA
From paychecks to purpose...

Ye kahani har us bande ki kahani hai jo apni life mein “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” ka jawab deke khud ko hi confuse kar leta hai.

Starting se hi writer ne jo middle-class ke sapne aur reality ka tussle dikhaya hai na, wo ekdum relatable hai. Engineering, MBA, placement, salary.. sab tick mark ho jaate hain, par andar se kuch missing lagta hai. Jitni honesty se protagonist ne apni cubicle wali life ka loop dikhaya hai.. Excel sheets, meetings, salary ka SMS, office politics.. lagta hai hum mein se hi kisi ek ki life ka screenshot hai.

Aur phir office ki woh ek ladki.. Aarohi. Uska pantry mein milna, terrace pe baithna, chhoti chhoti baatein, sapne… bhai, yeh sab padhte hue lagta hai jaise apni hi koi college ya office wali memory flash ho gayi ho. Lekin jab uska promotion ka sach samne aata hai, tab writer ne bahut subtle tareeke se dikhaya hai ki har kahani ka happy ending zaroori nahi hota, par uska asar humesha rehta hai.

Sabse badi baat.. jab mummy tiffin leke office aayi thi, aur wo ek line “Mera beta itni badi building mein kaam karta hai ki gardan upar karo to dard ho jaaye”.. ohh, aankh mein paani aa gaya. Kitni baar hum apni family ko khush dekhne ke liye khud ko compromise kar lete hain, par andar se khud hi kho jaate hain.

Aur jab finally banda decide karta hai ki ab bas, ab apne sapne jeene hain.. wo walkout wala scene ekdum filmy hai, par sach bolun toh har kisi ki life mein ek aisa moment aata hai jab lagta hai, “Ab aur nahi.” Freelancing, gaming, content creation.. ab jo bhi hai, kam se kam dil se to hai.

Yeh story ekdum seedhi, bina gyaan diye, bina melodrama ke, ek aisi awaaz hai jo har cubicle ke andar chup baithi hai. Writer ka style ekdum conversational hai.. jaise aap apne dost se chai pe baat kar raha ho. Shayari, choti choti lines, aur woh last mein “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” ka jawab.. ekdum sahi jagah pe hit karta hai.

Agar life mein kabhi bhi lag raha ho ki sab kuch mechanical ho gaya hai, toh yeh kahani zaroor padhna. Shayad aapko bhi apna “sky within” mil jaaye.
Thanks for your time and for your review bruhh.. :five:
 

Scodash Psychopath

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Story review: Raftaar Jaanlewa hai
Author: Scodash Psychopath

RJH-AYA

Kahani padhte hue aisa laga jaise koi Imtiaz Ali ki film chal rahi ho mere dimaag ke screen par..

Sabse pehle toh, woh jo shuru ka scene hai na.. Highway 27, bike, 90 ki speed, raat ka samay, hawa tez.. bhai, ekdum feel aa gayi. Matlab, sach bolun toh, aisa laga ki main khud handle pakad ke baitha hoon. Aur woh baajre ke khet… kya imagery hai! Peela rang, yaadon ka harapan.. vaah..!!!

Phir helmet ke andar ki saansein, dimaag ki uljhan, aur woh titli ka aana.. yeh toh ekdum metaphorical ho gaya. Titli ki maut, uska khoon, uski kahani – bhai, aapne ek chhoti si incident ko itna gehra bana diya ki reader sochne pe majboor ho jaaye. "Kya wo titli bhi sirf safar mein thi, jaise main?" – yeh line toh seedha dil pe lagi.

Aur phir, twist! Truck ka aana, sab kuch palat jaana, woh ek second ka jhatka – suspense, thrill, sab kuch ek saath. Uske baad jo surreal scene hai, maut wali ladki, kali saari, laal honth – bhai, ekdum haunting imagery hai. Jaise koi folklore ya urban legend zinda ho gaya ho. Uska "Raftaar jaanlewa hai" kehna, aankhein band karna.. ekdum chills aa gaye.

Aur sabse badi baat.. woh realization ki ab tu bhi usi duniya mein hai, jahan woh ladki hai. Kya baat hai! Woh feeka, dhundhla highway, sab kuch dissolve hota hua – aur sirf woh ladki bachi hui. Matlab, ekdum existential feel aa gayi. Life, death, safar, yaadein – sab kuch ek hi kahani mein ghol diyaa.

End mein woh line – "Raftaar Jaanlewa Hai… Aur Tum Bhi…" ekdum mic drop moment! Jaise purani kahani mein nayi jaan daal di ho.

Ye kahani ek warning bhi hai, ek soch bhi hai, aur ek ajeeb si tasalli bhi. Kabhi kabhi maut bhi itni khoobsurat ho sakti hai, kisne socha tha?
:thanx:
 
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Scodash Psychopath

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..Cubicle : A Sky Within.. by Scodash Psychopath

Delhi mein rehna sachmein bada mushkil hai :cry:
Control
Sahi mein school ke baad life aise hi chalti hai
Jab kamane lag jaao toh aisa lagta hai ek loop mein fans gaye hain
Subah utho breakfast karo job phir wapas ghar so jaao
EK middle class ladke ka dukh isse jada kya hoga ki use sapne dekhne ke liye nahi bola jaata aur na woh dekh sakta
Ek ek word dil se likha gaya hai dil ko chhu lene waali story hai bhaiya
Main toh toot gaya :cry2:
Thanks bhai.. :D :thanx:
 

Scodash Psychopath

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Story - UNIVERSERAL
Writer - Black
UNIVERSAL JAIL



AAGASYTA...Men aur kitne din yahan rehna padega barso ho gaye ek bhi chhamiya ko dekhe hue aisa lagta hai ki koi ulka pind aaye aur poora universe samapt ho jaaye

adirshi...nayi nayi girlfriend bani thi saala aakash ki najar lag gayi
hum over rule over rule karte reh gaye
yahan koi aur humko dismissed kar gaya

Aakash..mere ko Kyu bolte men yahan main khud fuka pada hu laila ka tabla baja raha tha main jab yeh halue mujhe uthake laaye yahan mera hua bhi nahi tha galat baat hai..kahan main laila k sath ghanto chut chat karta tha aur kahan tum sab manhoos logo ko shakal dekhni pad rahi hai

Aagasyta..koi baat nahi men hota hai

Aakash..tum toh kuchh bolo mat..lawda theek karenge aisi taisi maar di
apne variant se jeeta na gaya

Aagasyta...men tum hulk tumhein jab usne hara diya toh main kis khet ki muli ho :verysad:

ristrcted..men abhi abhi toh meri job lagi thi saala woh job bhi chali gayi
upar se raat mein 5 ladkiyo ke sath main dand pel raha tha ki unmein se ek ne mujhe behosh kar diya

Aakash..pm purush kahan hai
pm purush

raju apni pant pehente hue room se bahar aaya

Aakash..kahan gaye the men yeh koi tareeka hai hum sab yahan baithe hain
aur tum andar pm kar rahe ho

rajsharma..mat bolo akku bhaiya kadua ne mujhe kahin ka nahi chhoda
har 10 minute mein mujhe pm karne ki lat thi aur aaj kalua ne mujhe yahan fansa diya

aakash..yeh kya behki behki baatein karte men..kaun kalua kaisa kalua

rajsharma..are tumhein nahi pata kya ki yeh story kalua likh raha hai hum sab ismein character hain
main socha tha saala last date ko story milengi lekin kalua ne jaise hi story likhni shuru ki hum sab is story mein kheenche chale aaye

adirshi..over ruled.

rajsharma.. sorry my lord

werewolf a werewolf kahan khoye ho men

werewolf...men family mein shadi thi lekin baaaraat meri nikal gayi
achcha khasa main kaam mein laga hua tha ki aashna mujhe dikhi main uski taraf kheencha chaala aaya
aur jaise hi main uske paas pahuncha behosh ho gaya woh aashna nahi thi :verysad:

Aagasyta..uski yaad Kyu dila diye
yeh achcha baat nahi hai tumhara :cry

werewolf... :angry: woh sirf hamar hai uski taraf aankh uthake dekha toh

werewolf ke claws nikal gaye

Aagasyta..tum humko daraoge..hum superman hoon :mad:

devil maximum...bade bhaiya mujhe ghar jaana hai mujhe ghar jaana hai
meri shaadi ko toh Abhi kuchh hi mahine hue hain maine suna hai ki shadi ke 1 saal baad biwi badal jaati hai
amrit kanya se vish kanya ban jaati hai
pata nahi kitna time beet gaya

the immortal.. noob yeh kisne bataya tujhe ki shadi ke biwi badal jaati hai

devil maximum.. senior ne

the immortal..kaun senior

devil maximum.. senior black

the immortal.. :sigh: jiska senior aisa ho usse aur kya ummid ki jaa sakti hai

devil maximum..kya matlab bade bhai

the immortal.. :buttkick: pap bhaago yahan se ek se ek noob hain is duniya mein

tabhi us room se jasien bahar nikalke aaya jismein se raju nikla tha thodi der pehle

riky.. insaan ko aqal tab aati hai jab use thokar lagti hai
lekin is ko kitna bhi ragad lo kabhi ise akal nahi aayegi 😌

samar.. unkil apna bhashan band karo
hammer toh ab tumse uthta nahi hai
itna time ho gaya hai

riky..biwi ruth jaaye toh use maan ne mein time lagta hai.. woh maani hui rehti hai
lekin intezar mein rehti hai ki kab pati apne aatma samman ka gala ghotke use manane aayega tab woh maanegi
aur ise woh pyar kehti hai 😌

cheekku.. samarwa tera trident kya hua re
tu jabse aaya hai tera trident nahi dikh raha hai

samar.. appan werewolf ki story ka latest update padh raha tha tabhi kisi ne appan ke peechhe se awaj di
appan jab saamne dekha toh appan ke hosh udd gaye werewolf bhai ki story ki main character kaera hamare saamne khadi thi
main sab kuchh bhool gaya
usne mujhe apni taraf aane ka ishaara kiya
main uske paas pahuncha
lekin tabhi usne mujhe behosh kar diya
aur jab main jaaga toh yahan tha

sanju vr.. koi baat nahi mitr koi baat nahi hota hai Aisa bhi hota hai
saamne lage ki ladki hai lekin baad mein woh ladka nikalta hai Divyanka ki tarah. :sigh2:

siraj patel..itne mahine main forum pe nahi gaya aur jab gaya toh sima nahi dikhi mujhe phir maine socha chulbuli milegi
lekin chulbuli nahi mili
phir main shadi mein busy ho gaya
aur ab jab mujhe wapas sima ko kharcha paani Dene ka mauka mila tha
woh jaise hi mujhe dikhi main socha use khacha paani de doon lekin koi fayda nahi raha
mere khwab khwab reh gaye main yahan in kamzarfo ke sath fans gaya
doodh peena hai lekin doodh peelane waali nahi hai :girlcry2:

damha.. these petticoat ke petticoat mein ghusne waale logis
I was taking a vacation but these petticoat logis mujhe yahan leke aaye :redface:


Aashish..mujhe maut chahiye mujhe maut chahiye hey bhagwan itni toh kripa kar de mujhe maut de de de mujhe jeene ka shauk nahi main Peeta hoon ghum bhulane ko

Aagasyta... apne variant ko iske liye main pehle maarunga is kaale naag ko sar pe bitha gaya
na apna promotion hone deta na mera hone deta


ek kone mein dono sumo baithe the ek dusre ke kandhe pe apna sar rakhe

Trinity...kuch reports check karne hain
black ki location aaj ncr ki thi

Lucifer..hmm maine bhi check Kiya tha
travel karta rehta hai
main toh kehta hoon use surprise de dete hain

Trinity... woh toh joker hai ab toh story bhi nahi likhta usse kya milega.. baby ka message nahi aaya ki black kisi ko pareshan kar rha hai.. indirectly provoke and harass kar raha hai

Lucifer... but woh humare bahut kaam aasakta hai

Trinity...kaise
Lucifer apna munh Trinity ke kaan ke paas leke Gaye aur bole... BLACK

Trinity muskura diye aur sath mein lucifer bhi


ek jagah AP aur love baithe the love ko nahi jaante ju wohi 1994 waale 32 33 saal ke kanware sharabi nashedi charsi busy aadmi :lol1:

AP.. Batao bc in gandmaro ne mujhe bhi yahan ke aaye ek party ke sath meeting thi

love..meri bhi meeting thi

AP.. LAWDA KI meeting thi teri
boss ki gand sehlane ko kam nahi kehte

love..yahan toh mat bolo sab dekh rahe hain

AP..dekhne de uda dunga sabko
addicted aur night warrior apne bidu hain

love..tumhari baat toh sumo nahi sunte aaj kal kahan admin pe jaa rahe

AP.. Bhakk Bhakk

love..main thanos hoon chutki bajake sab khatam kar sakta hoon

AP..chutki bajake yahan se nikaal
is jail se nikalke dikha

love.. jale pe namak Kyu chhidakte :verysad..
Tum khud kyu nahi nikalte

AP.. maja aaraha hai :D

kuchh der baad sab ke liye khana prakat hone laga

sab khane lage


tabhi abhay chamdi 😁 jasien ke paas jaake baith gaya

abhay..kya jasien bhai dard ho raha hai

jasien..chal be tu

abhay..saala isi liye tumko sab pelte hain
koiyo bajake chala jaata
tameez hi nahi hai tumhare andar

jasien.. teri tarah meri ghaping toh nahi hoti

Abhay..kya hua aage toh bol bhadwa phir pause ho gaya 😁
aur yeh bolke abhay chamdi wahan se nikal gaya

jasien..meri story mein

Sultan Tipu.. lauda tu bas London mein loda lene layak hai :lol:

jaisen.. tu chup be gaandu

sultan tipu.. bol bhi kaun raha hai


tabhi Aagasyta ko apne sar pe hath mehsus hua

Aagasyta ne peechhe mudke dekha
toh main khada tha

Aagasyta rote hue mere gale lag gaya
Aagasyta..master hum toh gaye hum toh pehle se kayi baar lute the aaj poore lut gaye

adirshi.. over ruled

Aagasyta hosh mein aayaa

adirshi.. kya hua kiski yaad mein ro rahe

Aagasyta man mein..ab agar main inko bolunga ki kaadu babes ko yaad karke ro raha tha toh bahut majak udayenge
superman ke naam pe kalank bolenge mujhe... tumhare liye ro raha tha my lord tumhare kitne case pending hai

adirshi ki aankho mein aansu aagaye..saala itna toh meri nayi gf ko meri care nahi hai jitni tujhe hai

Aakash.. ek toh yeh gf puran nahi band hota tumhara

kshmr.. phobia kahan hai kahan hai phobia
a tune dekha phobia ko
a tune dekha phobia ko

kshmr sabse yahi puchh rahe the
tabhi blues bane barkha ke naam pe muth maar rahe the unhone bola
phobia bhi barkha ki tarah ek number ki chhinar nikli.. uska pet bhi kabhi khaali nahi rehne dunga.. achcha se bharunga pet us chhinar ka


tabhi sab apni jagah se gayab ho gaye

aur wapas earth pe pahuch gaye

AP..main toh chala peene

love..main bhi chala peene

AP.. petrol sunghne ko peena nahi kehte

love.. jalo aur jalo :sigh:

AP and love chale gaye

sumo ne baaki sabko dekha.. sambhal Lena hum jaa rahe hain kuch jaruri kaam hai

aur phir woh dono bhi gayab ho gaye

blues bane..main bhi chala apni chhinar barkha ke paas

kshmr..main chala phobia ko dhundne

Aagasyta.. ab sab yahan gaand Tod mehnat karein aur yeh log ko koi faraq nahi padta

adirshi.. control

Aagasyta.. control :angry:

tabhi aasman fat pada aur usmein se alien army nikalne lagi

Aakash.. yeh sab kaha se aaye
kaun hai yeh sab

Aagasyta..yeh kya logic hai

tabhi Aagasyta ko ek awaz sunayi di

aggua hamar story mein logic nahi hota

adirshi.. kahan kho gaye

Aakash.. ex ki yaad mein :haha:

raju..yeh kalua ek baar mil jaaye phir ise bataunga

aur laakho ki alien army ne poore earth pe humla bol diya

sab lag gaye ladne mein
chaaro taraf log bhaag rahe the
bade bade daanav jab dharti pe chal rahe the toh log unke pairo ke neeche kuchle jaa rahe the

raju ke paas aliens aaye uspe humla karne
tabhi un sabne raju ki aankho.mein dekha
aur sab freeze ho gaye

Raju.. ek dusre ko kharcha paani do

aur sab ek dusre ko kharcha paani Dene Lage

my pm chief 👏 ek awaz aayi raju ke kaano mein

raju...kalua sudhar jaao aur jaldi khatam karke so jaao subah uthke kaam pe bhi jaana hai
warna teeno milke tujhe kharcha paani de degi..oh main bhool gaya tha aaj kal raat bhar jaagna hota hai
woh toh sabse promise Kiya tha story likhoge

Aakash hulk mein badalke sabko kuchal rahe the tabhi ek jagah use laila padi dikhi
hulk uske paas jump karke pahunche aur phir use ek buliding mein le jaake kharcha paani diye aur wapas aagaye

aakash.. hulk ab bahut khush aur yeh bolke usne sab aliens ko maarna shuru kiya

Siraj patel apna suit pehne hawa mein hi sabko maar rahe the tabhi unhein ek buliding mein sima dikhi

siraj patel ki aankho mein aansu aagaye
aur woh sima ke paas pahunche

sima..patel ji kaise hain aap

siraj patel ne sima ka blouse faad diya aur doodh peene lage
aur sima unke sar mein hath ferne lagi
kuchh der baad siraj patel sima ko kharcha paani deke wapas aagaye

adirshi aur Aagasyta ke paas

adirshi.. kahan gaye the

Aagasyta... sima ka doodh peene :mad:

siraj patel :shy: control nahi hua

adirshi ka phone bajne laga
adirshi.. yes my lady sorry my lady yes my lady sorry my lady
6 mahine se main universal jail mein qaid tha
sorry batake jaana chahiye tha aage se aisa nahi hoga

Aakash.. alua ke judge hain

adirshi.. overruled

tabhi ek alien adirshi ke paas pahuncha

adirshi.. I'm you honour

yeh sunke woh bhaag Gaya

Aagasyta.. your honour sunke bhaag Kyu gaya yeh

adirshi.. I'm Batman ki jagah I'm your honour :roll3:

tabhi sabko scodash psychopath dikha
Aagasyta ka dark version
jisne sabko qaid kiya tha

siraj patel adirshi aur Aagasyta teeno scodash psychopath se ladne Lage
big three mein yahi the

the immortal.. ek jagah baithe ek alien ko motivate kar rahe the

tabhi werewolf wahan pahuncha

werewolf..lori gaake Bhi suna do

the immortal ne goli maar di werewolf ko
werewolf hanste wahan se chala gaya aur tabhi use thulla dikha

thulla...bahut din ho gaye werewolf ab chalo hamare sath

werewolf..kahan

thulla..tumse mujhe apni body badalni hai

werewolf.. Kyu

thulla... kyunki tum jaisa handsome Smart intelligent playboy billionaire is. world mein koi nahi hai

werewolf..kismat meri bahut bekaar hai

thulla..main jaanta hoon tumhare paas yeh bhi power hai ki tum apni story ki female character ko raat mein summon kar lete ho aur sabke sath dhaki chiki karte ho

werewolf..kalua kameene yeh baat tujhe kaise pata chali

thulla..mere sath aaoge ya main tumhein apne tareeke se le chalu

thulla ke baare mein bata doon yeh wohi hai Jo werewolf ki story ke scene copy karke apne story mein chep raha
aur jab ise bola gaya toh isne bola ki main og scene likhta hoon
lekin jab isse bardasht na hua toh isne soch liya werewolf se apna body change karega

werewolf ne position li..aaj teri woh gand faadunga ki teri aane waali naslein kabhi copy nahi krengi

thulla ke bb claws bahar nikal aaye
werewolf.. copy karta hai
lekin main orginal hoon re

aur phir dono ke beech ladayi shuru hui
dono ek dusre ko maarne lage lekin werewolf beech beech mein logo ko bhi bacha Raha tha aur usse lad bhi raha tha tabhi thulla ne ek zordaar waar kiya aur werewolf neeche gida aur phir thulla ne werewolf ko maarna shuru kiya
werewolf ki healing power kam kaam karne lagi thi use kuchh samajh nahi aaraha tha logo ki cheekhein sunayi de rahi thi
tabhi ek aurat cheekhi mera bachcha mera bachcha

lekin werewolf buri tarah se haar raha tha

tabhi werewolf ko kalua ki awaz sunayi di

ek zordaar awaz sunayi di use kalua
amitabh bachchan ki awaz mein kisi ne yeh bola
what about falana dhimkana
what about falana dhimkana
what about falana dhimkana

werewolf ke sar pe khoon sawar ho gaya aur phir usne thulla ke gale mein apne claws ghusa diya aur use hawa mein utha liya

thulla..maaf kar do maalik meri jaban toot gayi main woh hoon jo yahan aaya

werewolf...I'm the biggest pelu.. nobody can pel me.. I'm the one who pels.. I'm the fucking og pelua.. aur yeh werewolf ne duasra hath ka claws thulla ki gand mein daal diya aur uski gand se khoon nikalne laga aur jisse werewolf ka poora sharir laal.ho gaya

riky unkil chaaro taraf chhipte phir rahe the

samar..are unkil hammer toh bulao
kahan gaya aapka hammer gand mein daal liye ho hammer

riky.. aajayega, joru bhi aise hi naraz hoti hai

samar.. tum aur tumhara joru puraan

tabhi priya dikhi riky unkil ko
unkil bhaagte hue priya ke paas pahunche

riky..kaisi ho priye

priya..theek hoon wakeel saab

riky..kya hua ro Kyu rahi ho

Priya..main chai pee Rahi thi
tabhi in sabne attack kar diya mujhe chot lag gayi

riky..koi baat nahi priye.. aao tumhein le chalta hoon

cheekku..samarwa yeh le trident

samar..yeh kahan se mila

cheekku..jaisen apni gand mein daal liya tha isko iska size Chhota karke

samarwa.. chhee :yuck:

cheekkua.. pichhli baar hamar gangbang hua tha na yeh toh kuchh bhi nahi hai
isko use nahi kroge toh game baj jaayega

priya... aisi baat nahi hai riky jee main chai pee Rahi thi
tabhi inhone attack kar diya
aur mere hath se chai gid gayi
mujhe chai peeni thi aur yeh bolke priya rone lagi


yeh sunte hi aasmaan.mein baadal chhane lage chaaro taraf kaala andhera chhane laga poore aasmaan mein bijli kadakne lagi
aur yeh moti moti bijli qeher banke alien army pe gidne lagi

aur tabhi unkil ne apna hath hawa mein uthaya
jaise apne hammer ko bula rahe hain

riky..meri priye ki chai gidaya
unkil dahade aur unki dahad se ek pal ke liye poora universe kaanp gaya

aur tabhi riky unkil ke ek hath mein hammer aagaya aur dusre hath mein storm breaker aagaya

aur phir wahan shuru hua maut ka nanga naach kisi ko kuchh karne ki jarurat nahi padi unkil qeher banke alien army pe toot pade

Priya ek tak taki lagake unkil ko dekhe Jaa Rahi thi

yeh sab raju dekh raha tha aur uski aankho mein aansu aagaye
jaa bewafa ja ab hamein pyar nahi karna

tabhi kisi ke cheekhne ki awaz sunayi di
raju ne dusri taraf dekha
ek alien shivani pe attack kar raha tha

raju apni bike baithke us taraf chal pade
aur wahan pahuch ke apni chain se un aliens ko baandha aur aasmaan mein fenk diya

Raju..humko mita sake yeh zamane mein dum nahi, zamana humse khud hum zamane se nahi

Shivani hath jode raju ke saamne khadi ho gayi

Shivani... my pm chief 👏

raju cheekhte hue... kaluwa




sab riky unkil ki taraf dekhne laga


aakash.. yeh wakeel ko kya hua

adirshi... the power of chai


Aagasyta man mein..siraj ke paas sima hai
Aakash ke paas laila hai
adirshi ke paas bhi koi na koi item hogi bahut hogi
kalua ke paas 3 3 hai
raju pm purush hai
paashna chali gayi shivani toh time pass karne aati hai
ek ek karke sabke sath achcha hota jaa raha hai mere sath itna kyu bura ho raha hai
upar se mera dark side hum sabki jaan ka dhushman.bana hua
mere sath. kuchh achcha hoga ki nahi
ya main devdas ki tarah chandramukhi ke kothe pe jaana shuru kar dunha

tabhi kuchh alien ne adirshi pe humla kiya unhein laga ki adirshi batman hain toh unke paas powers nahi hai

jaise pehla alien adirshi ke paas pahuncha

adirshi.. overruled

yeh bolta hi woh pehla alien deewar se ja takraya

dusra alien aaya adirshi ke paas humla karne

adirshi... dismissed

dusra alien raakh banke udd gaya

teesra alien jab aaya attack karne

adirshi...10 year of life imprisonment

woh bechara hell court pahuch gaya jahan baaki qaidi ki gand mein sariya daala ja raha tha

chautha adirshi ke pairo mein gid gaya
my sincere apology. my lord yeh bolke woh rone laga

adirshi.. permission granted

aur woh bhaag Gaya

tabhi scodash psychopath dobara wahan aagaya

adirshi Aagasyta siraj patel and the immortal chaaro wahan khade the

tabhi the immortal scodash psychopath ke gale.lag gaya aur uski tashreef sehlane laga

baaki teeno :yuck: yeh sab kya dekhna pad raha hai achcha hai main andha hoon

aur tabhi scodash psychopath ne Deadpool ko pakadke zameen mein de maara
immortal ki haddi pasli choot ho gayi aur mitti mein mil gayi

aur tabhi Deadpool ne apni dono sword scodash psychopath ki gand mein ghusa diya

scodash psychopath ki cheekh nikal gayi

Deadpool... kalua ka banaya hai yeh virus hai ab tu isse bach nahi sakta

adirshi.. aayein yeh kab kalua ka itna acha dost ban gaya

Aagasyta.. kalua ne is baar mujhe main role se hata diya

tabhi Aagasyta ko apne sar pe hath mehsus hua Aagasyta ne mudke dekha toh kaadu uske saamne khada tha

Aagasyta rote hue kaadu ke gale lag gaya
master hum toh gaye master
hum toh lut gaye master

tabhi scodash psychopath hansne laga

aur phir usne sabko maarna shuru kar diya
siraj patel ka suit tabah ho gaya
adirshi ki my lord powers bhi kaam na aayi
the immortal ki powers bhi kaam na aayi

damha ne apni poori powers se dragon punch maara lekin scodash psychopath ko koi faraq nahi pada aur phir scodash psychopath ne damha ko punch maarke uske sasural pahuncha diya

werewolf ne scodash psychopath pe attack kiya aur scodash psychopath ne werewolf uthake zameen mein de maara
werewolf ki healing power hi khatam ho gayi

aakash.. hulk maarega

aur aakash ne poori hulk powers se use punch maara lekin sp ko kuchh nahi hua
sp ne Aakash ko bhi itna zor se punch maara ki aakash behosh ho gaya
risty ne apni elastic powers use karke sp ko jakar liya
lekin sp ne risty ko apne hataya aur use ek rassi ke upar latka diya

tabhi risty ko apna pichhla janam yaad aagaya jismein woh dhobhi tha

samar ne sp pe attack kiya sp ne samar ko kick maara samar behosh ho gaya
aur IAS banne ka sapna dekhne laga

riky unkil ne apne hammer aur storm breaker se bijli ka jhatka diya lekin SP ne riky unkil ko hawa mein fenk diya aankho se laser maara riky unkil behosh ho gaye

raju ne SP ki aankho mein dekha aur vash mein karne ka socha lekin raju ki aankh se khoon nikalne laga
SP ne apni lazer uski aankh mein daal diya raju wohin gid pada

tabhi blues bane aagaya wahan reporting karne
jaise ki aap dekh rahe hain ki yahan kaise alien army barkha se bhi jada chhinarpan kar rahe hain aur mera bas chalta toh in sabka pet barkha ki pet ki tarah bhar deta
har 9 mahine pe yeh mera bachcha paida karte lekin main chacha bhosdiwale ki tarah 4 5 story ki copy nahi karta
isi liye ab main yahan se jaa raha hoon

cheekkua ne socha ki woh time peechhe jaaye aur woh bhaaga itni zor se bhaaga ki samay peechhe jaane laga

aur tabhi SP ne use padka aur uske dono pair Tod diye cheekkua ki cheekh nikal gayi

ab bache the Scodash psychopath aur Aagasyta
dono ke beech ladayi hone lagi dono ek dusre ko buri tarah se maarne lage lekin aakhir mein Aagasyta haar gaya aur ghutno ke bal baith gaya

SP.. EMBRACE THE DARKNESS. BOY

Aagasyta.. jab tak mere paas meri family hai main kabhi Darkness ko embrace nahi karunga

SP.. Phir tum maroge
aur tumhari yeh pyari duniya

ek ladki apne bachche ko godi mein leke bhaagne lagi aur uski cheekh Aagasyta ko sunayi di

Aagasyta ne mudke dekha toh uske hosh udd gaye

wohi aankhein wohi chehra wohi rang roop wohi booo control wohi awaz
yeh toh meri khwabon ki shehzadi hai
mere sapno ki rajkumari hai
mere bachpan ka pyar

aur tabhi us ladki ne Aagasyta ko dekha

tabhi Aagasyta ko apne sar pe ek hath mehsus hua
aur use kaadu dikha

Aagasyta... Master

black.. iski aisi gaand faado men ki aane waali hazaro naslein earth pe attack karne se pehle apni gand ki salamati ki dua maange

Aagasyta.. yeh toh main hi hun lekin

black.. :slap: karo men main ab chala neend aaraha hai isse jada nahi likh sakta 4.48am ho raha hai

aur phir kalua gayab ho gaya
aur phir Aagasyta ne Scodash psychopath ko beech se pakadke cheer diya

aur phir woh sabke paas pahuncha

tabhi ek bahut bada meteor earth pe gidne laga jo ki plant bomb tha scodash psychopath ke marte hi woh bomb activate ho gaya earth ki taraf badhne laga

sab sambhal gaye the aur sabne apni powers use ki us bomb ko dharti se takrane se lekin sab bekaar ho gaye

tabhi adirshi ko kisi ka phone aaya

yes my lady. no my lady. I'm coming my lady.

adirshi ne us planet bomb ki taraf dekha
aur buri tarah garajte hue bole
dismissed

planet bomb peechhe jaane laga

priya...riky jee agar yeh bomb gida toh hum kabhi chai nahi pee payenge

yeh sunke ek baar unkil garje aur poori powers se bijli maare bomb pe

tabhi planet bomb pe risty ko manish bhadwa dikha

risty ka khoon khaul gaya
risty dahadte hue
suwar aur usne apne hath aur pair bada karna shuru kiya aur planet bomb jakad liya aur kis aur planet ko jaake pakad liye

adirshi... kya karein kaise karein

Aagasyta.. pata nahi men

tabhi aakash hosh mein aagaya

door khadi laila use dikhi jo apne doodu hilake use dikha rahi thi

yeh dekhke Aakash ne socha
agar earth ko kuchh ho gaya toh mujhe titty job kaun dega

yeh sochta hi aakash ne apne andar jhaanka
Aakash..hulk tujhe laila ki bahut pasand hai na
⁷ ho jaa
hum aaj is planet ko break krenge

Aakash.. hulk ko seal todna pasand

adirshi...kya karne waale

Aakash.. tumhein toh pata hai main kya kar sakta hoon

sab ko wapas bulao

adirshi..wapas aao sab

aur sab wapas aagaye aur adirshi ne Aakash ki taraf dekha

adirshi...break the seal

aakash..meri yahi toh khasiyat hai main seal todne ka hi sochta hoon har waqt

aur planet bomb jaise hi earth se touch kiya

Aakash hulk mein badla aur jump kiya upar ki taraf ek zordaar planet breaker punch
aur planet bomb ka naamo nishaan mit gaya...

kuchh der baad sumo sab kuchh pehle jaisa kar rahe the unke paas time ko peechhe karne ki powers thi

toh woh dobara world restore kar rahe the

aur baaki sab ek dusre ke sath baithe lunch kar rahe the

ek dusre ke sath hanste hue baatein karte hue khana kha rahe the

lekin Aakash laila ke sath busy tha

uff jaanu jaldi hulk mein change ho jaao

aakash hulk mein change ho gaya

Aakash..hulk aaj fodega

aur phir laila ki cheekh poore sheher mein gujnne lagi...

THE END..[/FONT][/SIZE]

:yourock:
Story badhiya thi men.. :D
Koi kuch bhi bole mere ko achhi lagi kahaani ju ki..
Story as a fan service likhi gyi thi..
Jisme bahut se dialogue the aur kaiyo me literally hassi aayi..

riky..meri priye ki chai gidaya
unkil dahade aur unki dahad se ek pal ke liye poora universe kaanp gaya

aur tabhi riky unkil ke ek hath mein hammer aagaya aur dusre hath mein storm breaker aagaya
Riky007 and DesiPriyaRai :wtf:
Priya ek tak taki lagake unkil ko dekhe Jaa Rahi thi

yeh sab raju dekh raha tha aur uski aankho mein aansu aagaye
jaa bewafa ja ab hamein pyar nahi karna
:rolrun:
scodash psychopath ne damha ko punch maarke uske sasural pahuncha diya
:haha:
werewolf ne scodash psychopath pe attack kiya aur scodash psychopath ne werewolf uthake zameen mein de maara
werewolf ki healing power hi khatam ho gayi
:wtfrol:
lekin sp ne risty ko apne hataya aur use ek rassi ke upar latka diya

tabhi risty ko apna pichhla janam yaad aagaya jismein woh dhobhi tha
Ristrcted :hehe:

Har ek character ko comics roop me comedy ki tarah likha
Story ka sole motive h entertainment jo apni cheez pe khari utarti h.. :bow:
Baaki koi bola tha Black kaadu ki story me logic nahi hota it's damn true.. overall it's good story i really like it.. :thumbup:
 
Last edited:

Black

From India
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Story - UNIVERSERAL
Writer - Black


:yourock:
Story badhiya thi men.. :D
Koi kuch bhi bole mere ko achhi lagi kahaani ju ki..
Story as a fan service likhi gyi thi..
Jisme bahut se dialogue the aur kaiyo me literally hassi aayi..


Riky007 and DesiPriyaRai :wtf:

:rolrun:

:haha:

:wtfrol:

Ristrcted :hehe:

Har ek character ko comics roop me comedy ki tarah likha
Story ka sole motive h entertainment jo apni cheez pe khari utarti h.. :bow:
Baaki koi bola tha Black kaadu ki story me logic nahi hota it's damn true.. overall it's good story i really like it.. :thumbup:
:thanx: men 3 ghante lagatar likhke complete Kiya sole purpose entertainment tha :roll:
Logic daal sakta tha scodash psychopath ki back story aur alien army ne attack Kyu kiya universal jail se woh sab kaise nikle yeh sab likhna tha but mood nahi tha
Bas aap sabko good feel karwana tha
Aur ek baat batao yeh superhero movie mein konsa logic chahiye
Main hi bolta hu meri story mein logic nahi hota :haha:
 
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