Update 221
Tabhi, peeche se woh aaya jo maine toh kabhi socha bhi nahi tha.
Arav – "Bas! Band karo!"
Goliyaan turant band ho gayi. Woh mere paas aa gaya aur apni gun meri taraf taan di.
Arav – "Kyu be, meri life kharab karke yaha nayi zindagi shuru kar raha hai?"
Main Masoom ko apne paas chipka kar neeche pada tha.
Main – "Yeh tune kyun kiya, mujhe nahi pata. Par meri lene waala hai tu isske baad."
Arav – "Waise hi jaise meri biwi ki li thi!"
Main – "Haraamkhor! Kuch bhi mat bol samjha? Agar teri waali ko bachaya na hota, toh aaj tu apna ilaaj kar raha hota!"
Arav ne mujhe laat marne ke liye pair uthaya, par maine ek haath se uska pair pakad ke use door fek diya. Par woh palak jhapakte hi phir mere paas aa gaya.
Tab mujhe samajh aa gaya ki issmein mere blood ka effect aa gaya hai.
Arav – "Haramkhor, bata tune aisa kyun kiya?"
Ab main khada ho gaya.
Main (Masoom se) – "Baby, tum mandir mein raho main aata hoon."
Maine Masoom ko mandir teleport kar diya aur phir Arav ki taraf mud kar kaha:
Main – "Haan be, kya bol raha hai? Saale, jiske saath main aaj hoon, woh meri zindagi hai. Agar ek kharoch bhi aayi na, toh tujhe jaan se maar dunga!"
Arav – "Maar toh tu kab ka chuka hai. Aakhir tujhe meri hi Sheetal mili thi yeh karne ke liye? Kya kami thi meri behen mein?"
Maine ek thappad jadd diya.
Main – "Itna bhi ganda nahi hoon main!"
Arav – "Shaadi ke din hi laga tha ki tum dono ke beech kuch hai, par tum dono ne toh baccha bhi paida kar liya!"
Main dheere se bola: "Abbe, tujhe koi galat family mili hai."
Arav – "Saale! Maine DNA test karwaya hai. Bacche ka DNA mujhse match nahi hua, par jab maine tera test karwaya, toh match ho gaya!"
Main shock mein: "Accha! Toh aage kya?"
Arav – "Uss kutiya ko baad mein marunga, par pehle iss bacche aur tujhe maarunga!"
Usne ishara kiya aur do aadmi ek baccha le kar aaye.
Main – "Tu sach mein pagal ho gaya hai. Tujhe ab main kya, Bhagwan bhi nahi samjha sakte."
Arav – "Abbe, ek baar bhool jaata agar uska kissi aur se hota. Kyunki saali aurat jaat hi aaj kal aisi hai, aaj iske saath, kal uske saath."
Main – "Bhaag bosidike! Aurat jaat kahan se aa gayi iss mein? Us bechari ne toh tere pyaar ke liye CIA tak chhod di! Aur tu uske baare mein yeh sab keh raha hai? Tujhe sharam nahi aayi?"
Arav – "Kya bakwas hai! Kya main tujhe chutiya dikhta hoon kya?"
Main – "Toh kya karna hai tujhe?"
Arav – "Tera baja bajane aaya hoon!"
Main – "Accha hai, meri shaadi mein bajane waala bhi aa gaya."
Main – "Toh ab kya? In pannatro ko laya hai mujhe maarne?"
Arav – "Haan, pata hai ki inke bas ka kuch nahi tere saamne, par main tujhe zarur maar sakta hoon!"
Main – "Ohh my god! Haaahaa! Yeh mujhe maarega? Meri powers se bane mujh..."
Tabhi usne ek "Tok Tok" move maara, jo electrical tha. Main thoda peeche ho gaya.
Main – "Are baap re! Bacche, tune itna hi seekha hai?"
Tabhi ek aadmi ne mujh par gun taani. Maine haath upar kiya aur gayab ho gaya.
Main nikal kar uss gun waale ke peeche aa gaya aur rakh se uske gale par maara. Uski gardan turant toot gayi. Uske saath waale ne fire karne ki koshish ki, par maine magazine plug nikal kar uske maathe mein ghusa diya
Woh baccha Arav ke haath mein tha, par woh uske haath se chhut gaya. Maine turant usse pakad liya.
Arav – "Aa gaya na apni aukaat par? Aaj tum dono, baap-bete ko zinda gaad dunga!"
Usne apna haath ghumana shuru kar diya. Main samajh gaya ki woh kya karne ja raha hai.
Main – "Nahi, Arav! Yeh raginimanak hai, ise yaha mat la. Bahut nukasaan ho jaayega. Main toh bacha loonga, par tera yeh beta zarur mar jaayega!"
Arav – "Mera nahi, tera aur uss kamini ka hai! Tu hi rakh!"
Main – "Dekh, yaar. Main tujhe chot pahuchana nahi chahta."
Arav woh attack chhodne hi wala tha ki tabhi peeche se ek sena aati dikhayi di.
Woh mere peeche khadi ho gayi.
Main (shock mein) – "Arre! Yeh toh bhediyon ki sena hai. Tum sab yaha kya kar rahe ho?"
Manas – "Apni rani sahiba ka haq lene aaye hain!"
Main – "Kya matlab 'haq'?"
Manas (gusse se) – "Yeh baccha, yeh baccha kiska hai?"
Main (Arav ki taraf ishara karte hue) – "Ess ka hai!"
Arav – "Nahi! Yeh iska nahi, iska hai!"
Manas – "Yeh kya behuda si baatein kar rahe ho? Baccha ek hi ka ho sakta hai!"
Main – "Abey! Main kya bache ka delivery boy hoon? Joh yeh mujhe de raha hai! Yeh le, apna baccha!"
Maine woh baccha Arav ki god mein de diya.
Aur mere muh se nikala - mera lund jiye aise jindagi jhand bhar ki dosti kaam puri zindagi
Arav – "Abey, kaha na! Yeh mera nahi hai! Report dekhi hai maine!"
Main – "Woh report galat hai."
Arav – "Tujhe kaise pata, haan?"
Main – "Abbe chutiye! Maine apni jagah tera blood sample RAW mein jama karaya tha!"
Arav ki aankhein fatt gayi,gand bhi fatti ho toh kisko pata chelega usko lag raha jaise uska dimag ekdum short-circuit ho gaya ho.
Main (mischievously) – "Yeh kya gaa... ohh sorry! Aise kya aankhein faad ke dekh raha hai?"
Arav (shaking his head) – "Maine itna bada chutiyapa kaise kar diya? Main shak ke chakkar mein kaha fas gaya... kya galti kar di maine yeh?"
(Arav ka gussa dheere dheere guilt mein badalne laga.)
Main – "Saale! Agar Masoom hai mera pyaar, aur tune ek baar bhi usse kuch kaha yaar, toh main bhool jaunga ki teri behen bhi thi mera pyaar!"
Manas (ek aadmi se) – "Yeh sala chakkar kya hai? Ek se shaadi ho rahi, doosri ka baccha tha jo ab nahi hai, aur upar se iski behen iska pyaar!"
Woh aadmi daant se maas ka piece kheechnte hue bola – "Aah! Ab nikala! Yeh subah se atka hua tha... waise, kya bola?"
Manas – "Tu bhaag dimag ki bhhaaji, pav mat kar!"
Aadmi – "Soch raha hoon chicken bhaji pav bana loon, kya?"
Main (gusse mein) – "Aeee! Shiiiiiiii! Ekdum chup!"
Arav apne bete ki taraf dekhte hue – "Maaf karna, mere bacche... main yeh kya karne ja raha tha."
Woh apne bete ke sar ko sahlaane laga, jaise guilt se bhar gaya ho.
Main – "Ab tera ho gaya hai, toh main jaun? Woh bechari mera intezaar kar rahi hai!"
(Main apni jagah se uth gaya, aur bhediyon ki sena aur Arav ko peeche chhodte hue, apne pyaar Masoom ke paas jaane ke liye tayyar ho gaya.)
Tabhi woh bhediyon ki sena "Ooooooohhhhooooowwoooowoowhhhhhhh" karne lagi, jaise pura jungle goonj utha ho.
Main (chillakar) – "Chup ho jao kutto! Oh sorry, tum toh bhediye ho, haan... chup ho jao bhediyon ke baccho! Kyun hala macha rahe ho?"
Manas – "Hum yeh shaadi nahi hone denge! Humari rani ka hak cheena ja raha hai!"
Main – "Abe pagal ho kya? Kisi ka hak nahi cheena ja raha! Aur tumhe kisne yeh sab bataya?"
Manas – "Maharani ro rahi thi aur aapko yaad kar rahi thi. Unhone toh woh vimpres ko bhi samjha-bujha kar shaant kar diya. Aapka kiya hua wada unhone pura kiya... yeh hoti hai ek bhediye ki pehchaan!"
Main – "Aree, mai samjha dunga! Bas thoda sa naraz ho gaya tha."
Manas – "Nahi! Hum sabne yaha aane se pehle yeh pratigya li thi ki pehle humari maharani ke phere honge aur shaadi bhi, warna hum bagawat karenge!"
Main (sar pakad kar) – "Iski maa ka! Yeh kya naya drama hai?"
Tabhi Arav dheere se mere paas aakar bola – "Yeh kya ho raha hai, be?!"
Main – "Tu chup! Peeche khada ho ja!"
Arav sunte hi chup-chaap apne aadmiyon ke paas chala gaya.
Manas – "Agar aap nahi maane, toh aapse ladte hue hum apni jaan de denge! Par apne waade se peeche nahi hatenge. Aur aapse jitna humare bas mein hai, utna kisi aur ke bas mein nahi!"
Main kuch sochne ke liye baitha, toh sena mere paas aane lagi.
Main (jhunjhla kar) – "Ab kya? Gaand mein ghusoge kya? Tab se rok raha hoon, gaali! Peeche hato!"
Woh peeche hue, par itne jada congested the ki apas mein lad-lad kar girne lage.
Main – "Loo, ho gayi bagawat!"
Main khada hua aur apne haath hawa mein kiye, aur badbadaya – "bhagwan bhala kare mera!"
Maine apne haath 4-5 baar ghumaye, aur kuch hi der mein waha Neha, Janu, Riccha, Shikha aur Devika aa gayi.
Neha zahir si baat hai, ro rahi thi.
Riccha ke haath mein aloo aur chaku tha, shayad sabji kaat rahi thi.
Devika paani ki tanki liye khadi thi – wahi jo phoolon ko paani dete hain (naam bhool gaya, ab itna sab yaad kahan se rakhu?).
Aur Shikha ji ajeeb sadme mein gum thi, jaise kisi alien ke intezaar mein ho.
Woh sab ladkiyan mujhe dekh rahi thi.
Riccha – "Aap yaha?"
Neha – "Aa gayi meri yaad?"
Devika – "Aare, aaj kaise yaad kiya iss waqt?"
Janu – "Jaan, tum yaha?!"
Main: "Aur koi bacha ho toh piche se woh bhi bol lo bhai."
Sab ek saath: "Nahi!"
Main: "Shhh! Ekdum chup! Mai kahi nahi, tum sab yaha filhaal chup hi rahna. Tum sab bilkul chup, aur yeh Maharani ji toh jaise kya lenge, muh kholani ka?" [kripya karna, naa kahe]
Shikha didi: "Chhodo, ab yeh formality hai. Kaaha the, Shikha?"
Main: "Chalo, lo tumhari saari Maharaniyaan aa gayi. Ab baaki sab mandir mai milenge."
Sab pehle to ghoomne lagi, par baad mein Neha ko kuch dekh kar woh sab hala karne lage. Sun kar mujhe woh gaana yaad aa gaya jo maine chai ki dukaan par school ke time suna tha. Kuch aisa tha: hum leele, hum ba lelo... fuck off.
Maine dekha, piche se ek paaki sab apne upar se aage ki aur laa rahe the, aur hum sab ke saamne rak diya.
Udar, Arav aur uske aadmi:
"Boss, yeh kya hai? Aaj heart attack aa jayega hum sab ko!"
Arav has kar: "Tumko kya aayega heart attack? Mujhe jo lag raha hai agar isne woh kiya, toh yaha sab ke sab heart attack ke shikaar honge."
Aadmi: "Par yeh hai kya, ladkiyon ka jhamela? Aap aaye the kuch karne, aur yaha has rahe ho."
Arav: "Mera 'ellalj' abhi baaki hai. Mere dost, jis din akela mil gaya, isse meri vaat laga dega!"
Main un sab ko lekar baith gaya uss palaki mein (size bada hai) aur hum chal pade mandir par.
Mandir ke andar:
Saloni: "Yeh kaun si baraat aa rahi hai?"
Masoom: "Yeh kya afat hai? Abhi... aaj hi hona hai, kya sab?"
Sona: "Aree chinata kyun kar rahi ho? Sab accha hoga aur sahi hai na? Itne logo ke saath shaadi hogi!"
Saloni: "Ek minute! Dev ke saath kaun kaun hai?"
Sona (thoda zor daal kar): "Aarr yeh toh Janu aur Devika ji hai, aur saath mein Neha... uhh... Shikha didi... uhh... Riccha didi bhi hai."
Masoom: "Sabko didi mat bola karo, lagta hai sab ki sab sautaan hai apni."
baki faltu scene to kuch laga nahi mere ko sab gajab ke hi lage mere ko waki aapki marzi 
